She makes me feel like it is raining outside

Something I realized today. When I am meeting a new person, I will use a different tone of voice depending on the person's gender.

If I am talking to a male, I will let my voice be its natural, deeper tone. If I am talking to a female, I will subconsciously throw my voice slightly, making it sound softer and higher pitched.

In general I dislike talking to guys. I feel like I put on a mask and just go with the flow. I am not true to myself, just to avoid being singled out.

There are many unwritten laws within guy culture.
You cannot cry.
You cannot talk about your feelings.
You cannot be sad.
You cannot show weakness.
You cannot feel pain.
You cannot show deep feelings of love.
You cannot fail.

If you are sensitive, then you are gay. If you cry or act sad, you are a pussy. If you do nice things for a girl that you aren't fucking, you are stupid.

I hate it.

I do not want to be an emotionless robot. I want to feel like it is okay for me to have feelings. I want to be able to tell happy stories about girls I'm crushing on, without being interrupted with, "so did you fuck her yet?" The moment can be wonderful without sex. I do not want people to act like I am weird when I say I wouldn't have sex with someone I just met.

I want to be able to write mushy love poems, and cute romance scenes without ridicule. I want to be able to tell awkward stories about my failed attempts at flirting and have us all just laugh with me, instead of at me.

I want to be able to talk about our problems, and feel like we all actually care. We all hurt, we all bleed, we all have rough sleepless nights, we don't have to tackle them alone.

I want to walk out into the rain and sing Blink 182 to the clouds.

To truly be brave, is to be yourself.